Romance scams – telling the difference between love and lies
Learn to spot the warning signs and make sure a romance scam doesn’t become a pothole in the path to true love.
As Shakespeare famously wrote, “The course of true love never did run smooth”. And he didn’t even have to contend with the pitfalls of online dating.
In the 21st century, the risks of romance include ghosting, poor pick-up lines and the dreaded ‘ick’. But more worryingly, fraudsters are now using dating sites to target the bank accounts of those looking for love.
Read on for more information about romance scams and tips on how to keep both your heart and your wallet safe online.
What is a romance scam?
Also known as a love or dating scam, this is where an online fraudster tricks you into parting with your money by posing as the perfect partner. It’s a particularly cruel type of online fraud that plays on emotions and vulnerability.
Sadly, with the rise of online dating, there’s also been a steady increase in the number of love scams in the UK. Here you can read the City of London Police report on how romance fraud cost Brits over £92 million in 2023.
And those are just the cases that have been reported. Many people are reluctant to speak up about their experiences because they’re embarrassed or worried about what their friends or family might think. But anyone could fall for a scam. Fraudsters can be very convincing and well-versed in subtle manipulation. So there’s no shame in seeking help if things don’t feel right.
How romance scams work
Romance scams usually go through several stages aimed at building connection and trust, before eventually asking for money. By understanding these stages you’ll be better equipped to spot the red flags.
- The scammer starts by setting up a fake profile – either on a dating site, social media, or both – and then either waits for you to ‘match’ with them or proactively messages you.
- They’ll start to build a connection with you and present themselves as your ideal partner – they may even search for information about you on social media to fake shared interests and values.
• This may go on for days, weeks, or months – however long it takes to build up your trust and ensure you’re emotionally invested. - Eventually, they’ll start asking you to send them money. Usually, they’ll create scenarios that take advantage of your emotions, or make you feel sorry for them, so you want to help. Here are a few examples:
• If they live far away, they may ask you to send them money to cover flights so they can visit you.
• They may say they have a sick relative and need your help to cover their treatment.
• They might say they’ve been wrongly accused of a crime and need money to pay for legal advice or bail.
Learn to spot the warning signs
Fortunately, there are a few ways to tell the difference between a perfect match and the perfect crime. Below you’ll find some tips to help you fall in love without falling for a romance scam.
| Swipe left – romance red flags | Swipe right – stay safe online |
|---|---|
| They try to build an intense romantic connection and very quickly claim they’re in love. | Talk to your friends and family for advice if something doesn’t feel right. |
| They try to move the conversation from the dating site to text, call or email. | Use reputable dating sites so there’s a record of your conversations. |
| They always have an excuse to avoid meeting in person. | Block and report anyone you think could be a scammer. |
| They ask for copies of your personal documents, such as your passport, bank statement, or driving license. | Check their profile picture is genuine by doing a reverse image search. |
| They ask you to send them money, take out a loan, or invest money for them. |
Never send money to someone you’ve not met in person or give them access to your bank account or personal details. Finding love should pull at your heartstrings, not your purse strings.
Supporting someone that’s caught up in a romance scam
It’s incredibly important for us to keep our customers safe from scams, as Rob Harrison, our Financial Crime Director, explains:
At Aviva, we take this type of fraud very seriously. Our staff are trained to spot when someone might be in a vulnerable situation or if they’re being targeted by fraudsters. We always strive to protect our customers in any way we can from the risks of romance scams.
And there are signs you can look out for in your friends and family too:
- They’ve been swept up in a whirlwind romance and developed feelings very quickly, even though they’ve never met the person face-to-face.
- They may become withdrawn, and even upset or defensive, if you try and find out more about the person they’ve met online or question whether they’re genuine.
- They may mention that they’re planning to, or have already, sent money to someone they’ve only spoken to online.
- On the other hand, they could be secretive and avoid talking about their finances if you try and find out more.
While anyone could fall for a romance scam, people in vulnerable situations are more likely to be targeted and drawn in. As horrible as it sounds, fraudsters won’t think twice about aiming their advances at people who may be more susceptible to loneliness, such as widows, widowers, and divorcees.
If someone chooses to open up to you, try not to be judgemental or make them feel foolish. It’s probably taken a lot of courage for them to admit they might have been tricked, especially by someone they felt they knew and even loved. Being kind and supportive will let them know you’re there to help and mean they’ll be more likely to listen to your advice.
How to report a romance scam
If you suspect you might be messaging a scammer, it’s important to report it, especially if you’ve already sent them money. If you have, you should contact your bank as soon as possible – they may be able to refund your money if you think you’ve been scammed.
You can also report fake dating profiles to the dating site you’re using. This means the site administrators can investigate and close any fake accounts. The same goes for social media sites.
Most importantly, you should report the incident to Action Fraud. Or, if you’re in Scotland, you can report scams directly to Police Scotland by calling 101.
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