Navigating through the day isn’t always straightforward when you’ve got children to look after. But, however bumpy the road may be at times, some simple changes can have a big impact – happier kids, happier families, happier parents. If you’re looking for a bit of practical guidance, you could start by keeping these thoughts in mind…
Boredom… embrace it!
Children get bored a lot. They want us to think for them, but we can best help them by encouraging them to solve the boredom issue for themselves. Try brainstorming together to come up with a list of things to do when they’re bored. You can bring this to life by creating a ‘boredom basket’ of unexpected items, incomplete toys and long-forgotten favourites. Seeing these things in a new location will make them more interesting and stimulate some boredom-busting creative thinking.
Create time to talk
Think about setting a regular time for a talk each day. To get things started, you could fill a ‘talk jar’ with ideas for topics of conversation jotted down on scraps of paper. They could be truly random – one I’ve used is ‘elephants have the biggest brains of any animal’! If there’s a particular scenario you might want to bring up, maybe introduce a fictional character they know in a relatable situation: ‘What would Harry Potter do if he had to tidy his room?’. It could be your child, but it isn’t… not quite!
Be aware of emotions
Let your children feel – there’s no embarrassment in crying! Generally, when children get emotional, they want to be heard, not fixed. Using phrases like “I see”, “I hear” and “I understand” will let them know that you’re sympathetic to what they’re feeling.
Make sure they know you understand and give the emotion they’re feeling a name: “I can see that you’re angry about that. What can we do to help?” Sometimes, listening will be all that’s required.
Encourage problem-solving
It’s good to let children know that all of us have the power to find solutions to many of the things that could be bothering us. Talk over the situation with them but encourage them to find their own solutions. This approach will really help with problems such as friendship issues. They’ll find there’s a magic in getting themselves out of a situation.
Build resilience
Think about what’s within your control and think creatively to get back on track after a tricky patch. Some families repeat the same behaviours and expect different outcomes. To develop a growth mindset, think “What can I learn?” Using affirmation cards can help here – for you as well as the children! Setting down strengths such as “I’m good at maths” or “I’m confident” will help. Or how about “I am brave”… you don’t have to be a lion tamer, just making that phone call you’d been putting off would qualify!
Give responsibilities
Think about how excited a child can be when they’re appointed pencil monitor at school! Agreeing on a few simple responsibilities such as sorting out the dishwasher or taking out recycling can make them feel good about themselves… and maybe save you a little stress too!
Do's rather than don'ts
On average, our children hear variations of ‘don’t’ 136 times a day. How often do you think they hear ‘do’? Eleven!
If you can’t think of a way to directly convert a ‘don’t’ into a ‘do’, try substituting questions: instead of “Don’t draw on the floor, ask “Where is a better place to draw?” Or, instead of ‘Don’t push your brother”, try “How is that showing your brother respect?”
Mindfulness
Practising mindfulness is a good way to protect mental health in general, but it can really come into its own when it comes to positive parenting.
Mindfulness is one of those ideas that’s often misunderstood. All it really means is learning how to be ‘in the moment’, rather than dwelling on the past, or projecting into the future. To give this some meaning for your children, get them to engage their senses to help them stop fretting about things that aren’t immediate: “Name five things you can see… hear… smell.” They’ll soon get the idea.
Finally, a reminder to make a point of taking some ‘you’ time to look after your own wellbeing. You should never feel guilty about having a chat with a friend, taking time out with a book… or whatever else helps you to unwind. Feeling better in yourself will help you be a better parent, too.
