Anisa Lewis of Positive Parenting and Coaching draws on 20+ years in education – and 16 as a parent herself – makes the point that you can’t look after your children’s wellbeing if you’re neglecting your own.
In today's fast-paced world, children are increasingly exposed to stressors that can impact their mental and emotional well-being. From academic pressures to social challenges, young minds are often tasked with navigating a complex array of demands. Building resilience in children is crucial to help them cope with stress, anxiety, and change, equipping them with the tools they need to thrive in an ever-changing environment.
Understanding resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back or withstand and recover from difficulties such as adversity, setbacks, trauma, or significant sources of stress. It is not an innate trait but a learned skill that can be nurtured and developed over time. Teaching children resilience involves helping them build emotional strength, develop problem-solving skills, foster a growth mindset and help to maintain a positive outlook even in difficult situations.
Creating a supportive environment
A supportive environment is the cornerstone of fostering resilience in children. This begins at home, where parents and caregivers play a vital role. Open communication is essential; children need to feel that they can express their feelings without fear of judgement. Encouraging them to talk about their day, their worries, and their successes helps build a foundation of trust and security.
Open ended questions are a great way to connect with your child in a meaningful way or to grab a moment in an otherwise busy day. Open ended questions, require the child to give more than a ‘yes/no’ answer and usually start with a, who, how, what, where, when, try to avoid ‘why’ as it has an accusational tone and the need to justify ones choices.
Open ended questions are a great way to connect with your child in a meaningful way or to grab a moment in an otherwise busy day.
Moreover, creating a stable routine can provide children with a sense of predictability and control. Children and young people thrive on routines, knowing what is coming. However, a word of caution here not many can work with for example at 7.02am we clean our teeth and at 7:33am we eat breakfast.
A rhythm and flow to the day is a better aim whereby they know that they get up and dressed and before they come down they clean their teeth. Things you may wish to bring into your family’s routines would be: a morning routine, consistent mealtimes, bedtime routine (even for older children), downtime (this is often forgotten but possibly should be where you start), homework and learning, as well as additional activities that they do. This helps establish a reliable structure in their lives, which can be reassuring amidst external uncertainties.
Teaching problem-solving skills
Problem-solving is a critical component of resilience. When children learn to approach challenges methodically, they gain confidence in their ability to overcome obstacles.
Encourage your child to:
- identify problems
- brainstorm possible solutions, the practical and the far-flung non-realistic ideas, they all count, write them down or have your child draw them
- weigh the pros and cons of each option or the ones you like the sound of the most
- then they pick one to take forward and try. Do give it a good few days to work, if it doesn’t work at first this is not because it is a bad idea, it simply needed more time to become embedded
- if this doesn’t work, then go back to the list
This not only enhances their critical thinking skills but also empowers them to take charge of their circumstances.
One practical way to teach problem-solving is through role-playing scenarios. By acting out different situations, children can practice responses to various challenges in a safe and controlled environment. This prepares them to handle real-life situations with greater ease and confidence.
Promoting a growth mindset
A growth mindset, is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work, is fundamental to resilience and is the opposite of a fixed mindset. Children with a growth mindset are more likely to embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and view effort as a path to mastery.
Parents can cultivate a growth mindset by praising effort rather than innate talent. For example, instead of saying, "You're so smart," it is more beneficial to say, "You worked really hard on this." To super-size this idea, you could identify emotions or values that they have shown, ‘”You have been courageous” or “You showed a great deal of perseverance and commitment to get that score in your exam, how proud you must be of yourself.” This shift in focus helps children understand that their achievements are the result of their efforts, encouraging them to persist even when tasks become difficult.
Building emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as empathise with the emotions of others. Teaching children to identify and label their feelings is a crucial step in building emotional intelligence. Simple activities, such as discussing characters' emotions in stories or movies, can help children become more aware of their own and others' emotional states.
Talking about and role modelling how you deal with your own emotions can help your children to understand that no one is perfect (there is no such thing) and that you too struggle sometimes.
Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing exercises or guided visualisations, can also help children manage stress and anxiety. These techniques teach them to stay present and focused, reducing feelings of overwhelm and helping them regain control in stressful situations.
A quick mindfulness activity could be looking around the space you are in and identifying:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you could taste (only ask this one in the appropriate environment)
A variation on this activity is to look for things of specific colours or sizes etc.
Encouraging social connections
Strong social connections are a vital source of support and resilience. Encourage children to build and maintain friendships, participate in group activities, and seek out supportive relationships with adults, such as teachers or mentors. Social networks provide a sense of belonging and can offer practical and emotional support during challenging times.
Building resilience in children is a multifaceted process that involves creating a supportive environment, teaching problem-solving skills, promoting a growth mindset, fostering emotional intelligence, and encouraging social connections. By equipping children with these tools, we prepare them to face life's inevitable challenges with strength and confidence. Resilient children are not only able to cope with stress and anxiety but are also more likely to flourish and succeed in an unpredictable world.
